Never knew a 10 rupees note would carry a lot of pain, memories which wouldn't fade even after year all together...   A story of 42 year old girl karthiga unveils to say the life of many people like her...

My family is quite small.. I and my two sisters living peacefully under the care and security of my father and love and affection of my mother.. My dad takes care of his business and had to move out of city in very frequent occasion.. So I was unduly brought up by 3 females.. who are in turn responsible a bit for what i am... Yet I don't blame them for it... You might be wondering what's this all about.. So let me take you to my life at age 7...

My dad being a busy man, left me all alone with a gang of ladies.. my mom and my elder sisters.. and I BEING A GUY was treated as a girl, since i was a kid among a bunch of females.. Karthick... that's my real name but i have seldom been called that.. Karthiga has been the name given by my sisters.. so that it creates a halo effect , considering me as a girl.. I haven't felt anything before.. probably i was a kid still.. but now.. I feel a strange feeling to be among my sisters.. i feel i don't belong here.. My second elder sister just attained puberty.. and I had no clue what it meant.. even my dad wasn't allowed to see her for someday... and when i asked.. they said no men should.. but I was always with my sister and was yet treated a kid.. Strangely i started wondering when i am gonna attain puberty.. a curiosity of a kid.. without knowing how it is going to affect me in my future.. I even started wondering when i am gonna get the secondary sexual parts of a female... thinking am a girl too.....

Every male has some female traits and every female has some male traits.. by my childhood experience.. My male trait has been totally suppressed.. and now i like wearing a frock than a tee shirt and pant. I tend to grow my hairs long.. i stand long time before mirror and spending a lot of time for make up and trying to look better.. When my age boys were playing cricket and tolling in the sun .. i prefer to watch tv and thinking i might be tanned and losing my complexion .. Slowly when i was in class 10.. i totally lost my conscience that i am guy...  Infact i started liking guys.. and i can always feel some crazy feelings when a guy is near..  By then.. both my sister are well grown up.. and started treating me a guy and kept their distance in some ways.. This is when i tried to behave weird.. i don't know what i did.. My parents and my sisters could sense that i was behaving like a girl than a boy.. Then i had a series of lectures from all... and said am a guy... not a girl.. i could understand what they are saying.. but yet.. my heart couldn't get it.. So after a year of tug of war.. I was kicked out of my home... 

I prefer not to reveal what all i went through between my 16 till now.. but i do have few things to say...
I ran out of home.. Became a part of many like me and they are the only compassionate people i ever had after my family, who could understand me... I got a new sex classification as TRANSGENDER, I have turned into a decent beggar in trains during day time.. and a sex object at most nights.. Life has been restless.. with random guys teasing and bullying us everyday.. Wondering which toilet i need to get in....The entire society treating us even worse than stray dogs.. and people getting gross even if they see me.. I turning into a full girl.. and having a typical make up of a transgender.. I always go along with 5- 6 other people like me.. and endured innumerable pain and suffering both mentally and physically .. Forgetting about a family where i belong.. and living with a family like me... 

Then there came a day.. I was in my daily duty of begging in trains.. I saw my family... the family i was born to.. i couldn't refrain my tears.. but what i saw was a happy family without my presence.. and as we arrived there.. all my family members became gross.. A friend of mine was clapping in front of my dad.. who has got white hairs and beard now.. and my mom, and two sisters along with two guys.. guess they are their husband.. My dad gave a 10 rupees note.. and warned not to touch them.. because they are on a holy pilgrimage to Kaasi.. and don't wanted to be touched by us... 

I had to give 100 rs for the getting the 10 rs which my dad gave.. to hold atleast the 10 rs to remember the family where i belong... and for what they made me today....

Despite everything.. I did pray for them to have a happy life... and a safe journey and stay pure... because The SINFUL hasn't touched them... but one among them....